Gundam Chef: Battle for Kitchen Gundanium
by Konpaku Odo
Summary: Iron Chef and Gundam Wing fans unite! Gundam Chef is here! Here is part one of an on-going fic.


Copyrights/Disclaimer: Insert your favorite disclaimer and lawyer here- I don't own Gundam Wing (although ya'all know I wish I did) or Iron Chef, or Food Network.....so....please please don't tell?

Author's Note: Er, I suggest you watch Iron Chef before or after you read this, so things make more sense. Food Network channel.

****

~*GUNDAM CHEF*~

Battle for Kitchen Gundanium

****

"Skway-san!"

"Huh? What is it, go ahead!"

"Gundam Chef is going on in ten seconds, GET OVER HERE!"

"Oh, right away!"

****

"In Kitchen Gundanium, challenger chefs from all over Japan come to challenge one of the Gundam Chefs. Let us introduce them now!" the announcer's english-dub voice proclaimed loudly over the small murmurs of the original japanese voicing. The camera swerved from the Gundam Chef logo to the left side of the room, where the wall splits into four pieces and starts to rotate, revealing three Gundam Chefs (dressed not in kimonos or hapi coats with aprons, but pilotsuits with aprons) on slightly raised pedestals.

"Gundam Chef French Cuisine- Quatre Raberba Winner!" the announcer squealed joyfully. The modest chef smiled and gave a little wave to the audience, almost blushing as three girls in the front row hold up a sign- 'We Love the French.' He put one hand to his blond head and rolled his ocean-colored eyes in embarrassment.

"Go Master Quatre!" a few Arabic voices ring out. Quatre spots a few of the Magalanac soldiers in the audience, waving frantically. Quatre grins and winks, giving them the thumbs up sign.

"Gundam Chef Chinese Cuisine- Wufei Chang!"

As his name was announced, the audience became very quiet and respectful. Characteristically, the dark-haired, dark-eyed chef merely bowed to the audience in mutual respect. One girl got to her feet to cheer, but was quickly silenced by a glare from Wufei.

"Women!" he muttered under his breath. "If they weren't for reproduction there'd be no use for them!"

"Wufei!" Quatre adominished him, his expression that of mild annoyance. "How would you appreciate it if Sally Po heard you say that?"

"So the woman could give me another lecture and forgive me? At least she isn't here to CHEER me!" Wufei hissed back, louder then he intended. Quatre and Wufei turned their heads away from each other to face the audience, camera men, announcer and various other people _all_ watching them argue.

Wufei broke out into a sweat, and gave his best grin to make up for his slip. Quatre waved to the announcer with a sunny smile.

"Er...and now, Gundam Chef Italian Cuisine- Trowa Barton!" the announcer hurriedly ran into the rest of script. There was silence, as the audience's puzzled faces give a clue to everyone else. One by one, heads turn to stare at the empty spot on the stage. Only the last Gundam Chef seems unperturbed.

"Um...Gundam Chef Italian, come out come out, wherever you are?" the announcer pleaded timidly. Suddenly, someone leapt down from the rafters, executing a flawless triple-headspin, bounced off of a camera, did a triple-axle and landed with a soft, muted thump onto his appropriate place in the stage. It was none other then the theatrical Trowa Barton.

"Yay, Trowa!" Catherine called out, clapping. Trowa gave her a small smile, his long auburn bangs covering one eye.

"And, without FURTHER delay," sighed the announcer, "Gundam Chef Japanese- Heero Yuy!"

****

Heero's cobalt eyes scanned the audience, which was now only clapping out of habit. He saw Sylvia Noventa's family off in the rest of the audience. His eyes were drawn upaward to the special guests box- Milliardo Peacecraft, Lucrezia Noin, Lady Une, Dorothy Catalonia, Sally Po, Hilde Schbeiker, and Howard, they had all come to cheer for the Gundam Chefs.

And Relena Peacecraft.

Heero shook his head suddenly, his face showing a little surprise. _I mustn't be distracted_, he thought stubbornly, looking away from the princess's gently smiling face. _I'm doing battle._

"Hey Wufei," Heero muttered, expressionless but his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Sally Po's up there. Think she heard that little masquerade of yours?"

"What!? Sally Po is HERE?" Wufei looked around frantically, eyes wide. When Quatre pointed her out, Wufei quickly turned around and put one hand to his face. "I think...I think...nosebleed..."

Trowa silently handed him a handkerchief, and Heero smiled to himself. He hadn't meant to give Wufei a nosebleed, but it _was_ amusing.

"Sorry about that," Heero added, cracking the tiniest hint of a smile.

"How dis-honrible," Wufei muttered behind the reddening cloth. Quatre giggled.

***

"THE HOST OF GUNDAM CHEF- who uses up a dozen roses a day -Treize, Khush, reNADA!" the announcer finally screamed, and the audience cheered wildly, standing up and whistling.

The smiling, elegant Treize stepped out from the right of Heero, coming into full cameralight and waving genially to the audience. Treize held his hands up for silence. "Thank you all for coming to Kitchen Gundanium. Today, we have a special guest- all the way from America! Welcome DUO MAXWELL, Chef-"

"Extraordinaire!" finished Duo, waltzing in haphazardly up to the stage where Treize was speaking. The Gundam Chefs could only gawk as Chef Maxwell swaggered up to the stage. He was wearing his usual priest's garb with a giant apron around his middle, which was embroidered with the words- "BUBBE COOKS BEST." His violet eyes were shining, and his braid startled an assistant so much he dropped his spatula.

The four Gundam Chefs looked at each other, then back at the brash American. As one, they shrugged.

"Go Duo!" Hilde shouted proudly. Duo pumped the victory sign in the air.

"I am. The best. No contest," he bragged, giving a broad wink to Hilde.

"He's certainly very confident," Skway-san (the announcer) muttered.

"As I said, it is a pleasure to have you on our show," the ever collected Treize said, extending his hand to shake Duo's. The comedic cook high fived him and gave another wink to the crowd.

"Yep, it's just as much of a pleasure to be here!" Duo replied. A few of the girls in the audience started cheering (a few men whistled), and Hilde looked a little non-plussed. "Airheads," she muttered. Noin smiled.

Treize continued: "And now, on this special edition of Gundam Chef, Duo will challenge one of the Gundam Chefs. He will challenge..."

There was silence as the audience started to stare at the Gundam Chefs. Duo paraded in front of the pedestals, eyeing them all with a surprising intensity.

****

First was Quatre. Quatre met his gaze calmly, when Duo suddenly.....crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue!

"Wh-what?" Quatre exclaimed, startled. He put a hand to his mouth, trying to stifle his own giggles. Duo smiled at Quatre, and continued down the line to Wufei. Wufei glared at Duo angrily, wiping the last smear of blood from his face with the now rose-colored hankie. Duo looked taken aback by the sight of blood, and his eyes questioned Wufei's. "What happened to YOU?" he asked incredulously.

Wufei growled, and Duo scurried on to the next Gundam Chef.

****

Trowa's face was half-hidden by the forward sweep of his bangs. A single eye looked at Duo, and Duo once again tried the silly-face routine. Trowa looked at Duo for a moment, then gave him the merest smile. "Huh," he said to the American. Duo looked puzzled, trying to understand how much was actually said in that single-syllable word.

Heero stood, arms folded, leaning against the backdrop, thinking behind the darkness of his eyelids. What could he cook if he was challenged? Sukiyaki perhaps? Green-tea ice cream? Sushimi? Ahah, Chinese rolls! But wait, that was Wufei's department, not his own. Damn.

****

Heero opened his eyes the merest slit, only to meet the cool gaze of the American. Duo had suddenly calmed down and looked every part intimidating as he bragged to be. Heero matched his gaze as Treize shouted-

"Duo Maxwell has challenged Gundam Chef Japanese, Heero Yuy!" 

Duo grinned at Heero. Heero's eyes flew wide. "Huh?" he said softly. Duo only winked at Heero's expression.

Trowa noticed the bewilderment on Heero's face and closed his own eyes, smiling. "What's wrong, Heero? Not up to the challenge?"

Heero's bewilderment vanished, and he gave Trowa a steely, sidelong glance. "Of course not. Mission accepted."

Trowa did a somersault off his pedestal and walked to Quatre, holding the smaller boy's hands and helping him get down. Wufei snorted at this public display of affection, and hopped down from his pedestal without any help, heading to the special guest box, followed by the other two Gundam Chefs. 

"Women are only for reproduction, eh Wufei?" Sally Po said, smiling gently up at the Gundam Chef, blue eyes twinkling. "Ever tell that to your mother?"

Wufei reddened. He sat down next to Sally Po and ignored her apologies. "You leave my mother out of this," he growled.

"Where's the princess?" Quatre asked suddenly, hoping to head off chaos. He and Trowa seated themselves on the other side of the still-muttering Wufei.

"Oh, you'll see," Dorothy Catalonia called over her shoulder. Lady Une, Noin, and Hilde all exchanged a knowing smile.

********************************************************************************

Part Two to be Upl

On the stage, Heero jumped down from his pedestal and stood on the other side of Treize, facing Duo. He couldn't decide whether to glare at him or wear a nameless expression. The glare would suit publicity better, but Heero found himself having difficulty being resistant to the Americans whimsical attitude. Heero scowled at a thought, making him glare at Duo anyway. What if- Gundams forbid -Heero LAUGHED at Duo?

Heero's scowl deepened and Duo looked taken aback. 

"Hey, I haven't even done anything yet and already this guy's angry. Hoo-o-o, calm down Heero, don't whip an egg-beater out on me," Duo thought to himself. 

Treize eyed both chefs. This would be a good match. Ah, the glory of war- and food. Raising one arm dramatically, Treize proclaimed-

"With the gladiators chosen, the secret ingredient IS......!"

****

Milliardo had had a laptop open on his lap (wouldn't be a laptop anywhere else, now would it?) and had been typing away with some frequency. He looked up at Treize, who gave him an almost imperceptible nod, and then struck a single key on the keyboard. Next to him, Lady Une pressed the remote control she'd been doubling as a compact.

As he'd planned, the ceiling of the Gundanium Kitchen Stadium retracted and the audience could see an Aries hovering with an almost deafening roar. The air from its jets poured into the room, and almost everyone threw their hands over their ears, trying to block out the sound. Treize and Milliardo were unmoved by this spectacle- they had planned it, after all. Out of all the unsuspecting people in the room, only Heero looked at the Aries and did not flinch.

Duo's reaction was a bit more on the extreme side. Whipping out a magnum, he started to shoot at the Leo wildly. "Mobile Dolls!" he screamed, although few heard him above the jet roar.

Treize grabbed Duo's wrist and forced him to lower the gun. "It's okay!" he shouted so Duo could hear him. "The ingredient's in the Aries suit!"

Duo looked abashed. He hid the gun away somewhere in his apron.

"Duu-ooo," Hilde sighed, tsk-tsking him from the audience. "I TOLD you to leave that at the scrapyard!"

"Is it safe now?" Quatre asked, opening one eye and peeking out from under Trowa's chin. He had ducked into Trowa's arms when the fantastically loud Aries had appeared- not out of fear, but because the sound was truly painful to his ears. Duo and his gun didn't help matters any.

"Oh Quatre, the brave gundam pilot is scared of a mobile suit?" Dorothy teased. Hilde laughed and pointed at the program Dorothy had been holding in her hands. It was crumpled and twisted, from when Dorothy had held in tightly in fear.

Dorothy stuck her tongue out at Hilde.

Heero cocked one eyebrow as the Aries suit lowered a small brown papered package into Treize's hands. Heero actually felt a smile bubble inside of him. All that dramatic effect for a box that probably weighed less then Heero's sneaker. Milliardo punched another key, the Aries took off, and the ceiling closed.

****

With order being more or less restored in the room, Quatre tried to lighten everybody's spirits. "Look!" he chuckled, pointing at the package Mr. Treize was holding. "That song from 'The Sound of Music.' 'Brown paper packages, tied up in string-' "

" 'These are a few of my fav-o-rite things,' " Wufei finished in a manly tenor, smiling a little. His smile faded as Noin, Hilde, Dorothy, Une, Milliardo, Trowa, Quatre...everyone but Sally....gawked at him. Wufei!? SINGING!?

There complete silence in the room and Wufei could feel another nosebleed coming on.

"You have a nice voice, Wufei," somber Trowa said, his eyes wide in surprise. Slowly, everyone nodded their heads and murmured in agreement.

"I could have told you that," Sally smirked smugly. "He sings in the shower every morning."

"ONNA!!"

Lady Une gave Wufei another handkerchief just in time. 

****

Treize broke the string on the package and ripped the brown paper away, revealing a small white box. Heero readied himself- it could be a weapon about to explode, after all. Treize threw away the cardboard lid, and pulled out...

Heero ran over a list in his head. What to cook? An interesting sort of ice shake...probably non-alcoholic...and maybe something fried! And dessert- cake, or ice cream...

Duo just wanted to know what was in the box...

****

Treize lifted out a wooden bowl, and in it was a whole meandering of tropical fruits- kiwi, passion fruit, banana, mango, lemon and lime. Heero and Duo looked puzzledly at Treize. Which was the ingredient?

Treize smiled. "I suppose you are all wondering why I have *several* things here. A special edition of Gundam Chef can only mean a special sort of ingredient. So in this case, I have had each chef supplied with more then sufficient amounts of many types of tropical fruits. The idea is to make creative and TASTY fruit-themed dishes, with as many different fruits as possible." Treize paused to eye each Chef. "Is the mission too hard?"

Heero looked mortally offended and then glared. "As I said, mission accepted."

Duo grinned and slapped his hands together. "Treize, my good man- Lets, Get, Cooking!"

The audience erupted into a cheer as the two Gundam Chefs parted and raced to their own side of the kitchen. The battle had begun!

**********meanwhile, back in the special guests box***********

"But he doesn't usually sing songs from musicals," Sally whispered to Noin, keeping her eyes focused on the busy Chefs below. "Usually its a Chinese love song."

Wufei glanced at Sally, suspicious of her whispers. She batted her eyelashes back innocently.

"Would the two of you stop flirting with each other?" an exasperated Milliardo called out.

***

PART TWO COMING SOON…I hope.

Feedback muchos appreciatos! (We can tell I'm a french student, can't we.)


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